by Ella Bernadette

I know I am still yet the person I want to be, but I am certain that I am in my better self than last year.

2013 was a 50-50 wobbling year of feats and shenanigans.  (Just to sum it all up – this year, I completed my bachelor’s degree, I got my first job and got much more conscious about taking care of my body through good food and active lifestyle)

I succeed, I fail. I feel at my best, I feel at my worst. There were times that I was so inspired to do many things, there were also times that I didn’t even want to wake up. There were times that I wanted to be alone, free and independent. There were times that I stayed away from myself and just needed somebody to be my side and assure me that everything’s going to be fine. There were times that I was so determined, there were times that I felt I have lost control over everything. Sometimes, I saw things clearly yet sometimes I couldn’t seem to know which way to go because everything’s so damn blurred and dark. Yes, like many people would say, I am vulnerable, I am unpredictable.

Even so, I come to know that I am the person who is not afraid to start over when things may seem to fall apart. I have high hopes that one way or another, there is a better place at the other side of the court and there is a better way of doing things. When I realize that I did something wrong, or rushed a decision, I always feel the need that I need to change. I need to see things clearly for me not to feel bad as to why I did things wrongly.

Now, I am starting over. However, the only difference is that, I am starting over with reference to what I have learned for the past 20 years. Years of heartaches, high hopes, dreams, disappointments, awkward moments and achievements.

Let this year be my break. Let this year be promising.