Notes from The Carrie Diaries

by Ella Bernadette


What are you afraid of? Taking a leap? Seriously, what’s the worst thing that could happen?Bennett Wilcox, The Carrie Diaries

It just struck me. I want to always remind myself that pursuing what we’ve dreamed of is not simple. That’s what dreams are. Not simple. Sometimes, it can be complicated. But it is just the way it is. The beauty of your dreams will unfold through its complexity. What I meant about complexity is that, even though things seem to be scattered and overlapping, yet you still find sparks in it – leaving you wanting more until you truly appreciate the fullness of it. 


Somehow, it’s good to be scared. It means it’s real. – – Bennett Wilcox, The Carrie Diaries

That’s my number one issue about “taking a leap”. It’s pretty scary. Maybe because I know that there are responsibilities that comes with it. Sometimes, I say, “I can’t even handle myself sometimes, now I think I am ready to assume another responsibility?” Responsibility is a big word. Maybe it would better come off as “something you ought to” – just to provide a lighter note of it, for the lack of the appropriate word for it. But I know for sure that fear or being scared has two faces – the one that is mortifying, and the fear that brings forth excitement. I have experienced both. The first kind is really excruciating and dehydrating. The latter is colorful. It gets you to the path of your desires. Now, I am experiencing both. What I have is a complete mix  of mortifying fear and sparkling fear. I still have this mortifying fear because I am in the process of letting go of something. But I believe, that once I am free from it, the latter kind of fear will be just left for me. And it is pretty exciting.  

Bennett is teaching me a lot tonight, isn’t he?