What ya doin’ ?

by Ella Bernadette


You know when everyone is up for something because they are doing something. But if you ask me, well, I am always up for something but I am not doing huge because the map isn’t clear yet. 

Now, I appreciate how people show concern to me or being excited for me by asking what my plans are, what I want to do and what I am actually doing. I usually respond nonchalantly – showing that I am taking life now easy and appear as if I have planned everything. 

But If you get the same question for a thousand times, I think it becomes annoying. Not fun. Although you may say, “Oh lucky you are many people cared for you.” Yahah, it’s true. But every time they throw these questions, it pressures me. Sometimes, I get to a point that I can’t breathe. It’s exhausting to feel such kind of pressure. It’s a kind of pressure that slowly destroys instead of enriching you. 

I know myself enough to stay as composed as possible. I know that my dreams are beautiful. I know my dreams are big. And I know for sure the means of getting them or getting there are not easy. I know I am trying to figure out a beautiful and safe route. 

Maybe my I-care-less attitude is a defense mechanism for me to avoid creating another kind of “me” in their minds. I know some people are sincere to know you but there are also some people who are just curious. Sometimes, I cave myself in and not wanting to get out to have some fun because I know conversations will really start or end with things about. For now, I just don’t want to talk about me. I will just bore people. haha. 

hayy. I think I just have to be patient. People too, have to be patient. haha :)) I have my answers soon.