by Ella Bernadette

What is it about turning twenty-one?

Official start of quarter life crisis?  No. Non. iie. Asking myself about what I want to do and who I am in this world has long been boggling my mind since then (I cannot recall, really.). I think, it’s enough and I should no longer glorify this feeling of confusion, being left out or being ahead to much. Maybe I did not attend the feeling too much because I am so focused about graduating the university. The feeling had occurred again after – when there are lots of times where you meet everybody doing something and when you haven’t planned some concrete next steps yet. The process was hard. But I enjoy the whole process because I have figured out something – I have discovered many things – about myself, about the people who truly cares about me, about the things that I enjoy doing even if nobody’s watching or nobody’s paying for it, about the person whom I want to be with and about the life that I have imagined and planned for myself. The feeling is euphoric and freeing. It makes your eyes glitter.

So, what is it about turning twenty-one?

It’s about feeling thankful for everything that I have – my family who brings out always the better in me; my job which enables me to live comfortable enough and enables me to develop myself, my very few friends whom I know are true and gives each one of us opportunities to grow and of course, I am thankful for the desire to grow, to dream and to execute goals.

I don’t have a clear blueprint yet of my life. Who has? I think all of us, whether we are in our 20s or 30s or even beyond, everything is a draft. But every masterpiece always come from a mere simple, sometimes even dirty, draft. The most important thing is that to realize that we are the curator, the artist who can make this draft our own masterpiece. We don’t owe anyone any explanation about who we are and about what we want to do, though we are the sole responsible for everything that happens to us.

I have asked many successful and happy people in their 40s to 70s about what was it like  in their twenties. All of them said, “relax, you’re young, you’ll figure it out.”  Though I felt relieved that I don’t have to be paranoid over these things, I have also thought that time flies so fast and I want to everything that I need and everything that I want to come in its specific, perfect time. So, I trust what they said and what I believe in. It’s like a paradox – “Relax, you’re young, do your own thing, but time flies, so make sure you do the right thing.”

So, I remain positive that life unfolds to me in it’s perfect time and perfect way. I want to enjoy every single moment of it. I have always known the person whom I want to be. And I believe in her beauty and her strength.